Ready or not, The Lighthouse, Zombieland: Double Tap, Villains, and more! Mini review madness!

Hello and welcome back to my REEL HORROR reviews. Been a minute but I have much in store...do you have some time? Good! Here goes nuthin!!!

*****ALL PICS BELOW ARE TRAILERS WHEN CLICKED****

PORTALS (2019)

2.5/5

On August 5th 2020, an undisclosed research facility successfully creates the world's first active black hole...Shortly after a cosmic disruption occurs triggering a series of world-wide blackouts; after which millions of mysterious, reality-altering, Portal-like anomalies appear everywhere and anywhere across the planet. While many flee from the sentient objects, the real terror sets in as people are drawn toward and into them. Portals is a genre-bending anthology featuring three internationally connected stories told from four visionary filmmakers perspective as the cosmic events unfold within the first few days. The action quickly kicks off with our wrap around story following Adam and his family on their way to his mother-in-law's house during the blackouts and reports of missing persons..during the road trip their SUV barrels directly into an Anomaly that suddenly appears in the middle of a desolate road. He later wakes up in a mysterious hospital suffering from optic nerve damage and is given an experimental eye transplant that links itself directly to the anomalies. With a determination to be reunited with his family; Adam soon discovers the hospital has cosmic secrets of its own.

What starts out as an intriguing sci-fi horror premise quickly devolves into a sluggish, somewhat nonsensical and middle of the road venture. Proof of the shoddy execution is that I didn't even realize this was an anthology. The "stories" are melded to the point of being indiscernible. The performances are okay but once things get rolling we get murky sci-fi tropes and a rather pretentious unclear ending. Is it worth a watch? Um...maybe once.

READY OR NOT (2019)

4.5/5

Ready Or Not follows a young bride (Samara Weaving) as she joins her new husband's (Mark O'Brien) rich, eccentric family (Adam Brody, Henry Czerny, Andie MacDowell) in a time-honored tradition that turns into a lethal game with everyone fighting for their survival.

Gotta say not only did I love this film but it is in the running for best of 2019. Samara Weaving is her usual brilliant self and handles the material with a deep dive that makes the proceedings quite realistic along with a great ensemble cast. The premise is cool but my favorite aspects are the perfect balance of comedy (just light enough to enhance) and horror and the fact that this "big budget A horror" truly has an indie feel to it. The inventive, graphic death scenes add to the bloody good mix and the entertainment level is high. Andie MacDowell is a treat to watch in a rare horror appearance as well. What are you waiting for?!!!

VILLAINS (2019)

3.5/5

When a pair of amateur criminals break into a suburban home, they stumble upon a dark secret and two sadistic homeowners who will do anything to keep it from getting out.

Pretty decent little suburban, psychological horror flick made better by Bill Skarsgaard, continuing to flex his post Pennywise chops and a delighfully deranged Kyra Sedgwick. It may not win any awards but is still a fun detour into madness with sprinkles of comedy throughout. Entertaining.

THE ROOM (2019)

2.5/5

Kate and Matt are a young couple in their thirties in search of a more authentic and healthy life. They leave the City to move into an old house in the middle of nowhere, lost in Maryland. Soon they discover a secret hidden room that has the extraordinary power to materialize anything they wish for. Their new life becomes a true fairytale. They spend days and nights indulging their every desire of material possession, swimming in money and champagne. Yet beneath this apparent state of bliss, something darker lurks: some wishes can have dire consequences. That Room could very well turn their dream into a nightmare when it gives them what they've been waiting forever and that nature was denying them...

Like PORTALS, The room starts with a fantastic surreal premise but quickly nearly collapses under it's own weight. intrigue turns to tedium about midway through all the way to the unsatisfying conclusion. The unlikable main characters doesn't help. Still, this one is worth a look...if you're bored.

ZOMBIELAND: DOUBLE TAP (2019)

4/5

A decade after Zombieland became a hit film and a cult classic, the lead cast (Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Abigail Breslin, and Emma Stone) have reunited with director Ruben Fleischer (Venom) and the original writers Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick (Deadpool) for Zombieland: Double Tap. In the sequel, written by Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick and Dave Callaham, through comic mayhem that stretches from the White House and through the heartland, these four slayers must face off against the many new kinds of zombies that have evolved since the first movie, as well as some new human survivors. But most of all, they have to face the growing pains of their own snarky, makeshift family.

Love this one! EXACTLY what a sequel should be! All of the charm and originality of the first film but with a new path and cool new characters. Is it as good as the original? Maybe not but really damn close. There is not a dull moment here at all and the chemistry between Eisenberg and Harrelson is still a hoot plus the additions of Rosario Dawson, Luke Wilson and Zoey Deutch (kills it as the airhead, Madison). If you liked the first film you will love this one!

THE LIGHTHOUSE (2019)

3/5

From Robert Eggers, the visionary filmmaker behind modern horror masterpiece The Witch, comes this hypnotic and hallucinatory tale of two lighthouse keepers on a remote and mysterious New England island in the 1890s. n

Boy oh boy...where do I start? Let me say that I absolutely loved THE WITCH, so in keeping with that this was a huge disappointment to me. Does that mean it's a bad film? No but I do believe it's a step back for Robert Eggers. For me the film seems somewhat pretentious but I believe I know what Eggers was shooting for. This is a film about characters and their interaction with a very mild horror overtone stemming from a bleak surrounding, isolation and the psychological effects the men have on each other. I know there is deeper meaning here but it is never really made clear. On one hand I found it very repetitive with Dafoe constantly berating his charge until Pattinson finally loses it leading to the incomprehensible (non) ending. The black and white timbre gives in an artistic tone but I found it somewhat phony, like yes we know its a new film but we are making it look old but it just didn't work for me. Considering the timeframe in which it takes place, a grainy lens would have worked wonders giving it a more gothic true feel. There are to be sure some great moments of dialogue between the two men, some of which I found (unintentionally?) hilarious. My favorite moment is when Dafoe seemingly truly hurt by the notion questions, "You like me cooking don't you?" "You said you liked me lobster!" to which Pattinson waves off bringing the full wrath of Dafoe who bellows a curse from the deep that has to be heard to be believed. I feel both men were well cast but Pattinson (having an image to shed) does the best job slowly losing his mind while Dafoe comes off more as a caricature. My friends the well respected reviewers Kieron Markland and Luca Pincelli really loved this film and their fervor makes me consider giving it another viewing. For now however I stand firm that this is a film with good and bad points, stylistic yet boring, and entertaining if you like a lot of talking as nothing much else really happens. The setting and feeling of claustrophobic isolation is top notch. To be fair, Eggers has created something powerful and unique here, it just may take the right viewer to find it.

Well...like my scrotum there it is in a NUTSHELL!!! Thanks for reading, come back and bring your friends, and if you're friends like me...get some new friends!!!